


If I Saw You One Last Time

by saviourhale



Series: tumblr ficletts [4]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Cemetery, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Lydia-centric, it's allison's birthday, malydira friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-12
Updated: 2015-12-12
Packaged: 2018-05-06 09:25:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5411561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saviourhale/pseuds/saviourhale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>based on the prompt <b> things you didn't say at all </b></p><p>“Happy Birthday, Ally” Lydia says caressing the black marble casing marking Allison’s grave. “So, first things first, I bought you a red velvet cupcake—because I know it’s your favorite, which I still can’t believe because clearly chocolate fudge is way better” she laughs and takes out the little plastic container from the gift bag.</p><p>Lydia hums the ‘happy birthday’ tune and when the tears threaten to spill, she has to stop to take a deep breath.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Saw You One Last Time

**Author's Note:**

> because I like to make myself sad and if I'm going down, I'd like to drag a few of you along with me as well.
> 
> enjoy!

It’s a beautiful morning. The sun is shining, the air is crisp, the birds are chirping happily in the distance and Lydia is awake.

There’s a weight on her chest and she wonders if it will ever lighten. So far, that possibility seams near yet so far away. No matter how beautiful the mornings are, the pressing ache in her chest is just too much.

It’s hard and she has to remind herself, ‘don’t give in to the pain, don’t give in to the grief, you’re strong, you can do this’. That helps a little when she feels herself slowly sinking and slipping into the dark corners of her mind.

“Remember to smile” Lydia reminds herself before she’s out the door of her home.

-

She’s been walking for a while, not really thinking, but just enjoying the soft crunch of the leaves under her feet as she makes her way towards her intended destination.

Call it a prep session, she’d told herself—no, promised herself she would not cry today. So with squared shoulders and chin up high, she crouches down and places a birthday gift, primly sitting down on the slightly damp crunchy grass.

“Happy Birthday, Ally” Lydia says caressing the black marble casing marking Allison’s grave. “So, first things first, I bought you a red velvet cupcake—because I know it’s your favorite, which I still can’t believe because clearly chocolate fudge is way better” she laughs and takes out the little plastic container from the gift bag.

Lydia hums the ‘happy birthday’ tune and when the tears threaten to spill, she has to stop to take a deep breath.

“Sorry, this is really hard. But I promised you and myself that I wouldn’t cry today, so I’m going to eat this yummy cupcake in your honor and then we can continue” Lydia says blowing out a puff of air.

She opens the little container and carefully peals the cupcake, taking a small bite, she slowly eats it and hums thoughtfully.

“I still stand by chocolate fudge, but this wasn’t so bad” Lydia concedes smiling down at Allison’s name.  
“So anyways, I was thinking the other night—as usual you know, ‘cause lately I can’t really sleep. But I was thinking, there are a lot of things I never really got to tell you. I’m sure you already knew about most of these, but I need to tell you, just because it’s something I think will help me feel better” Lydia says with a shaky voice. She clears her throat and breathes in and out evenly a couple of times until she feels like she can talk again.

“I love you, Allison. You were—are, my best friend. My soulmate, my other half, the missing piece that made me feel whole. I miss you, every day, with every passing moment I miss you more. And I’m sorry, I’m sorry I couldn’t do more to help you, to save your life. I tried so hard, but I should’ve known better than to try and keep you from finding me. Thank you, thank you so much for being my friend, my confident, and my anchor—yes my anchor. Without you, I feel like I’m drowning, and just the thought of you, the memory of your smile—it’s enough to keep me afloat. I hope that one day, we meet again. Maybe in the afterlife, in another universe, another world, another life. Thank you” Lydia says, that last bit barely above a whisper.

-

She’s not sure how long she sits there, thinking of Allison, smiling sadly at the flowers she’d bought for her this time around. A lovely arrangement of white roses, with a couple of orchids.

“You missed first period” Malia’s voice comes from somewhere behind.

“And second” Kira adds.

“Basically, half the day” Malia says lightly.

Lydia turns to look at them with a half-smile, both of them hesitantly standing a few feet away.

“I had a thing to do” Lydia explains.

“Yeah, we figured we’d find you here” Kira tells her taking Lydia’s smile as an invitation to step closer. “Scott said it’d be better to leave you alone” Kira says as she sits to the left of her.

“And I thought that was a very dumb idea, so I grabbed Kira and came to look for you” Malia pipes in sitting to the right side of her.

“Well, I’m glad you thought so” Lydia sighs, Kira and Malia lay their heads on Lydia’s shoulder and they share a few silent moments.

“So, think you’d like to share some stories with us about Allison?” Malia asks softly a few moments later.

“I think I’d like that” Lydia answers.

For the first time since Allison’s death, Lydia feels the weight on her chest lift, if only just a little.

**Author's Note:**

> one thing that has bugged me since allison's death is the fact that we never got a funeral of any kind, and this is how I'd picture lydia coping on the day of her best friend's birthday. this also me trying to cope with her being gone because I miss allison terribly.
> 
> Hope you guys liked this and thanks so much for reading!!
> 
> come say hi to me on tumblr (viktorskrums) or twitter (@_jesysnelson


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